How do I raise a brave, confident and self-compassionate daughter when I don’t feel like a brave, confident and self-compassionate adult?

Enough As We Are

REGISTRATION CLOSED: Enough As We Are is a transformative course for anyone parenting a girl while still untangling the knots of their own childhood.

Let’s get this out of the way first: You are not alone.

This is a question countless parents have whispered to me after my speeches all over the country. 

It’s almost always asked later, in hushed tones, while I sign a book. 

Why?

Everyone is convinced they’re the only one with the question.

The vulnerability of these parents freed me to share something I had kept to myself for decades: 

All of the books I’ve written for girls have been a journey in healing the child I once was.

You know what else has been a journey in healing the child I once was?

Parenting.

Here's an example. 

Pictured under this blanket is my 7-year-old, who I encourage most early mornings while I work to read, do a puzzle, or color. 

She refuses. 

As I type away, I can feel my anxiety mount. 

I think, WHY doesn't she want to be PRODUCTIVE, like me

I remember the mom who told me how her 7-year-old paints in the morning while she sleeps. 

I bug her again.

What does this have to do with the child I once was?

I’m a recovering overachiever. I’ve taken my self-worth from my accomplishments for more years than I haven't. 

And in these moments with my daughter, I feel two forces dueling inside me: the one that wants my daughter to feel enough as she is, and the one that is afraid she won't be. 

So what do I do?

First, I ask myself: Do I want my daughter to do something "useful" right now—paint, read, do a puzzle—because I think she'd enjoy it? 

...or because I'm afraid she won't? 

Is it because I think she's more interesting or successful when she is doing instead of being?



Wait...that's my problem.


In these tiny epiphanies—the ones we’re all having all the time and rarely talking about—lies the potential for change.

Using the strategies I’ve learned over two decades of working with girls and adults, I can calm myself down and redirect.

I can practice self-compassion for the part of me that’s afraid of failure, and the part that feels guilty for expecting so much of my kid to begin with.

I can practice active listening with my daughter, even when she’s behaving in a way that’s making me feel anxious, frustrated or rejected.

And I can practice mindfulness, which allows me to respond with intention—and not react with my impulsive “lizard brain.”

That’s the power of being able to recognize and separate your s*** from hers.

It’s what I’m going to teach you in Enough As We Are.

What you get when you sign up for Enough As We Are, the online parenting course with Rachel Simmons

8 weeks of live workshops, led by me in a virtual classroom focused on being safe, real and non-judgmental (always recorded and available the next day).

Instant access to a private community of parents devoted to raising strong girls.

Practical skill-building exercises designed to help both you and your daughter increase your courage, self-compassion and emotional intelligence in your everyday life.

A deep dive into your childhood to discover the ways it shapes your life as a parent.

Office hours twice a month to ask for any questions you might have.

To parent our girls well, we can’t just focus on our girls. We also have to heal the children we once were. We all have wounds from our earliest years that continue to shape our lives as adults—and now touch our lives as parents.

Maybe you…


...were left out or bullied as a kid, and now react with an intensity you can’t control when your daughter faces even a minor friend problem. 

...had parents who frequently minimized or even denied your feelings, and now you struggle to handle your daughter’s strongest emotions

...pursued perfection at the expense of your wellness, and now have a daughter doing the same.

In Enough As We Are, we’ll examine how memories and unresolved issues from childhood work the controls of our parenting.

Then, we’ll learn the skills we need to raise girls who are resilient, emotionally intelligent and confident—by becoming the role models they deserve.

In other words, once we’ve done our own homework—turning inward to learn and reflect —we’ll learn the hands-on strategies to use directly with our daughters. 


Rachel's personality and approach are so real and validating.  I loved the strategies that we discussed each week.  This class is a perfect addition to the "village" of parenting that is so necessary when navigating the depths of the teen years.  The notion of healing my own inner girl, while simultaneously parenting my own girls, has been a huge step in easing all of the negative feelings that go along with this age.  So grateful for Rachel Simmons and her amazing work!
Laura P.
Enough As We Are gave me a place and a way to consider my own experiences that have made me the parent I am. I now have so many practical ways to work on myself and to engage with my pre-teen daughters as we all navigate growing up together. I will be following Rachel for years to come. 
Angela M.
I learned so much in this class! Since I already read the book, I wasn't sure what to expect. But the exercises that Rachel guided us in every class really helped bring home the content, and made it really personal. The reflections were incredibly helpful in understanding myself and how I parent, and in understanding my daughter. Thank you so much! This class made me a better dad!
Mark L.

Hi! I’m Rachel Simmons.

My super power is developing practical tools that help people feel braver, more resilient and less alone.

In my day job, I'm an internationally recognized author and educator. I’ve been hired to teach by Oprah Winfrey, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, and companies like Google, Procter and Gamble and Soul Cycle. My groundbreaking work teaching failure resilience has been profiled in The New York Times, and I appear regularly as a parenting expert on Good Morning America

But here’s the thing:

I’m not here to be a “parenting expert.”

If you’re looking for a foolproof blueprint for parenting without mistakes or fear, I’m afraid to say you’ve come to the wrong place.

If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that I’ll never pretend I have it all figured out. 

What I do have, though, are a set of tools—strategies I’ve learned over two decades of research and teaching with kids, teens and adults.

When you join me in Enough As We Are, I’ll teach you the transformational skills I’ve researched and taught to people all over the country, like…

  • Modeling and teaching your daughter strategies to take risks, express her feelings, and stop second-guessing herself.
  • Practicing self-compassion in the face of self-criticism or failure—and showing your daughter how to do the same.
  • Separating her stuff from your stuff, instead of reliving your childhood every time she has a problem.
  • Using empathic, active listening to comfort her, help her open up about her feelings, and keep your cool when she clams up.
  • Taking back control of your emotions when she triggers you, so you can learn to regulate your feelings and handle her challenges as your best self.
  • Smashing the tyranny of Perfect Parent pressure and accepting your strengths and limitations with grace.
  • Saying no and setting boundaries as a parent, particularly when it comes to social media.
  • Talking back to the messed-up messages she hears from the culture about her appearance, including starting a conversation about it without judging her.
  • Dispensing sound friendship advice with a minimum of reactivity or judgment. 
  • And much, much more.
Enough As We Are is an honest and raw look into how your own upbringing and early childhood experiences relate to how you parent and react to your daughter's social interactions. The topics are well defined and Rachel's expertise infuses the course with clear methods for working to recognize and temper trigger reactions we all face when parenting. I really valued Rachel's bravery in sharing her own childhood and parenting experiences throughout the class. I also gained from the authentic recognition that this is hard work which will take time and practice, but in the end will be so rewarding for those we love the most.
Katie M.

How Enough As We Are works:

Live, Interactive Workshops

Once a week, we meet live in a virtual classroom. I teach for a bit, then open the floor for you—you can raise your hand, share, ask questions and connect with other parents in the chat. 

Skill-Building Exercises

I’ll walk you through exercises live on the call, using interactive handouts designed to guide you through a deep dive into your childhood, discovering the ways it shapes your life as a parent.

Works For Any Schedule

If you can’t make the live recording, no worries! All Enough As We Are classes are recorded and shared online the next day.

Private Community of Parents

Throughout the week, you can ask questions, share stories and get to know other members of the community in our private chat (hosted outside of traditional social media!).

If you’ve ever wondered if some of your own experiences or fears are getting in the way of your relationships with your kids, you must take this class.
Dina

The Enough As We Are Schedule

All live classes are held at 8 pm EST, and are recorded and available for replay within 24 hours.

The Five Guiding Principles of Enough As We Are

We have to believe we’re enough if we want our daughters to believe this, too. We owe it to our daughters to do this work first on ourselves. Put your own oxygen mask on first.
Good parenting is a mix of trusting your gut and being a lifelong learner. It’s having faith in your own authority, yet being willing to be curious and do things differently. Failure is a feature, not a bug, of learning, and we should embrace it along the way.

This space is for real people. We’re not faking or judging here. We’re all in this parenting thing together. We all get triggered, lose our tempers, get tired and overwhelmed. We all say and do things we’re not proud of. Parenting is humbling. No one is perfect. We are each others’ colleagues and teachers. When we see another parent struggling, instead of saying, “Glad that’s not me,” we say, “That could be me.” Compassion, not judgment, is our jam.

You can’t learn to shoot a foul shot by me telling you how to do it. You have to get on the foul line and put a ball in your hands. I’m not here to lecture. Get ready to be interactive and throw yourself in the game. Plus, by sharing your experience, you help others learn.

Taking a deep dive into our earliest years means focusing on the moments, early on, when we were pressured not to show our true selves: when we learned to silence our voices, avoid vulnerability, or push down feelings. The moments we tried to please everyone and do everything right, or cover our vulnerability with steel. The times when our voices were not yet strong enough to say what we are ready to verbalize today. 

We are not here to belittle or revise our youth. But many of us can remember two phases of childhood: who we were before we were flooded with society’s pressure to give up our true selves, and the young adults many of us became after hearing those messages, when we worried about pleasing others over ourselves, stopped listening to our inner voices, feared conflict, or got scared of failing. Getting to know our own childhoods will help us guide our kids through theirs.

FAQs

I’m just not sure.

If it helps, here’s what I would have you do if you were one of my students and deciding whether or not to take a leap of faith:
  • Recognize how you’re feeling. What emotions come up when you think about joining this course and spending 8 weeks with the child you once were? 
  • If you’re feeling anxious or afraid, ask yourself: What is my fear trying to convince me to do? Is my “fight or flight” instinct trying to protect me? Is there something bigger I have to gain by walking towards this fear?
  • Finally, ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen? Can I live with that?

I’ve never taken an online course before. How do I know this will really impact my life?

I get it. Signing up for an online course is a commitment, and life is hectic enough already.

But think of it this way: How would your life be different if you (and your daughter) had the tools to practice active listening, self compassion and keeping your cool under stress? How many early morning meltdowns would be avoided? How much time—and sanity—would you recoup? If you’re not sure, take a minute to reflect on your most anxious moments as a parent. 

Ask yourself: How would I parent if I weren’t afraid?

What if I can’t make the live classes?

If you’re not able to join in live, no worries. All classes are recorded and posted to our course site within 24 hours, and you have full access to our private community, where you can share your thoughts, ask questions and participate just as you would if watching live.

Do you offer a sliding scale payment?

Yes! If you're interested in this course but the price is out of your budget, please email lexi@rachelsimmons.com to discuss our sliding scale payment option.

How do I talk to my partner about this?

Let them know this is time you’re taking to improve as a parent and a person. When you are happier and calmer as a parent, you will be a better partner, too. You can also invite them to join you!

My daughter is already an adult. Is this course right for me?

Definitely. If your child is living away from home, you may be feeling like you’ve lost your opportunity to make a meaningful impact on their lives. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Our jobs as parents don’t stop when our kids leave the nest. She still has a lifetime of risk and reward ahead of her—and you can bet she will need your guidance along the way.

The skills you’ll learn in this course will not just impact your parenting, they will dramatically shift the way you interact with the world. Learning how to regulate your feelings, practice self-compassion and resist perfectionism are not just crucial parenting tools, they are life skills—and they can (and should!) be practiced at any life stage.

If I can’t attend the live classes, will I be missing out on an important feature of the course?

The Enough As We Are program has been thoughtfully designed for parents—meaning it will work whether you can attend the live classes or not. Every live class will be recorded and posted to the course site within 24 hours. 

You can adapt the content to the learning style that works for you: Enough As We Are combines handouts, journaling, live calls and recorded learning. You can watch and participate live or listen the next morning in your car. If you miss a live call but have a question or comment related to your module, you can interact with me during office hours every other week.

You’re also able to miss a week, catch up later and get the same value. The materials are yours forever, so you can return to them whenever you’re ready. 

Would this course be valuable if I am a clinician/coach/educator but not a parent?

Absolutely! We’ve heard wonderful feedback from alumni about the transformative impact this learning had on their work with girls. While the handouts may need slight adaptations on your part (thinking of “a girl you love” instead of “your daughter”), the process of recognizing the child you once were with compassion and understanding is valuable for anyone who works with girls, even those who are not parents themselves.

Here’s a note from Kelly, an Enough As We Are alumna who does not have children:

“As an educator and not a mother, the stories and experiences shared by the other participants gave me a deeper look into motherhood. I believe this has helped me gain insight into how to better interact and communicate with parents of the teenage girls I work with."

Is this course only for women?

Anyone is welcome take this course. You don't need to identify as female. The focus is on parenting girls. That said, educators who aren’t parents are also taking the course; they tell us they are successfully applying the content to their schools and summer camps.

The Enough As We Are Curriculum

Module 1: We’re All Still Kids Inside (Course Introduction)

Live Class: Tuesday, October 1
How does your childhood shape you as a person and parent today? What did you struggle with as a child? What did you love about who you were? How can you begin making peace with the wounds and channel your courage? In this module, we’ll begin the journey, getting to know each other and exploring the principles of the course along the way.

Learn how:
  • Traditional gender norms about being the “good girl” can limit girls’ and women’s healthy development
  • Our earliest experiences as children can affect our parenting

Modules 2 + 3: Have Your Feelings (and Fears) Before They Have You

Module 2 Live Class: Tuesday, October 8
Off Week: We will have no class the week of October 14
Module 3 Live Class: Tuesday, October 22
Emotional intelligence—the way you identify, express and respect your own feelings—is crucial to success in every domain. But it’s especially key to parenting. Girls are taught to internalize their strongest feelings, please others at the expense of themselves, and avoid conflict. In this session, we’ll explore the rules about feelings you learned all those years ago, practice concrete ways to increase your emotional IQ and your daughter’s, and learn strategies to manage our strongest feelings when our daughters trigger us. 

Learn to:
  • Regulate and calm yourself when triggered
  • Validate and respect your own feelings so you can practice the same with your daughter
  • Help your daughter feel seen and heard
  • Practice active listening

Module 4: Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Compassion 

Live Class: Tuesday, October 29
Girls are notoriously self-critical. They face relentless pressure to please others and become more than they are.  In this module, we’ll turn back the clock and explore what you once learned about failure, success and self-worth. How does this shape you and your parenting today? What is “Perfect Parent” pressure and how does it undermine our children? Prepare to have your life changed by the three-step practice of self-compassion. Learn other concrete strategies—drawn from Rachel’s internationally recognized “Failing Well” workshops at Smith College—to become more resilient and less perfectionistic.

Learn:
  • Why self-criticism fails to motivate us effectively
  • A research-based, three-step practice of self-compassion
  • How to actively resist “perfect parent” pressure and set a more authentic example for your daughter

Module 5: Courage Boot Camp: Stop Overthinking & Face Your Fears

Live Class: Monday, November 4
Girls often start out brave and fearless, only learning to avoid risks once they feel pressure to please others and be perfect. What did you learn about facing the unknown and taking healthy risks? How comfortable are you today when you screw up, and how can you get better at being brave—for you and for your daughter? In this module, you’ll keep learning strategies from Rachel’s Failing Well initiative to summon your courage, fight Imposter Phenomenon and overthinking, and embrace constructive fear—and help your daughter do the same.

Learn:
  • Three ways to build courage and confidence in your daughter
  • Strategies to identify healthy goals and take risks
  • How to manage overthinking and imposter phenomenon

Module 6: Friend Divorce, the Myth of the BFF & Other Realities of Female Friendship

Live Class: Tuesday, November 12
Which friends left you out when you were younger? Which ones broke your heart? In this module, we’ll summon the ghosts of our earliest friendships and uncover ways they may lead us to misinterpret our daughter’s social challenges. Then you’ll learn Rachel’s most effective strategies to respond to friend drama.

Learn:
  • How to allow our children to develop their own perspective on friend problem
  • The 5 myths about friendship our girls are hearing, and how to talk back to them
  • Four-step friendship problem solving protocol

Off Week: We will have no class the week of November 18

Module 7: Healthy Body Image in the Age of the Supergirl

Live Class: Tuesday, November 26
What messages did you internalize about food and your body when you were growing up, and how do they shape your life as a parent today? In this module, we’ll practice strategies to model a healthful approach to body image, cultivate media literacy in your daughter, and respond to self-criticism.

Learn:
  • Do’s and don’ts in front of your daughter when it comes to eating and appearance
  • The latest research on ways girls use social media to alter their appearance
  • How to reframe negative body talk
  • Practical ways to talk with your daughter about media and body image

Module 8: Digital Resilience: Set Boundaries & Raise a Wise User of Social Media

Live Class: Tuesday, December 3
What kind of limits and boundaries did your parents set with you, and how does that shape your relationship to the word “no”? What are your toughest struggles with parenting through screen time, social media and gaming? Kids are getting annoyed with adults’ increasingly black-and-white view of social media. In this module, we’ll learn how to talk about screens with your daughter in a balanced way that won’t turn her off, and receive a briefing on Rachel’s strategies to use social media wisely. Finally, we’ll practice strategies to say no and follow through. 

Learn:
  • How the boundaries adults set in your early years affect how much (or little) you say “no” to your daughter
  • How identifying your most important family values can increase your effectiveness setting boundaries
  • The most effective parenting strategies for raising wise users of social media
OK, I'M TOTALLY IN NOW